Worrying. It’s something we’re all pretty damn good at, right? But if worrying were an olympic sport, every single gold medalist would also be a mother. And here’s the thing about worries…obsessing in secret, and keeping your worries to yourself gives them power, and in my experience, the simple act of saying things out loud can take their power away. Maybe you begin to see how silly your concerns are, or you realize you’re worried about things you can’t control. Or maybe you tell your partner and they help you share the load so it doesn’t feel so heavy. Either way, human beings have around 50,000 thoughts a day, just constantly bubbling under the surface, and research has shown that if we have some of these internal conversations out loud with ourselves or with others, that it can motivate you to move forward with your goals, help you focus, and even combat self-criticism. And so, in an effort to put some of my worries to rest, I’m sharing them here with you, and then hoping for the best.
Here are the 10 things I find myself worrying about the most.
ONE: Am I doing enough to educate my son? I see kids his age talking, saying their names or their age, saying thanks etc. and I can’t help but worry that I am not doing enough to educate him.
TWO: Am I doing enough for myself? I spent almost a whole year ignoring even my most basic needs sometimes. From the early days of motherhood when I would go without eating, sleeping or showering, to today when the idea of getting ready and getting a sitter is just too much to handle, I feel as though I am not doing enough of the things I love.
THREE: Am I responsible enough to be a mother? Honestly, sometimes I feel like a child myself. The other day I got feedback from a coworker who said that a client called me a “brilliant woman” and you know which part I fixated on? That she used the word woman. Seriously. I still feel like a teenager sometime, so when people give me adult level respect it legit throws me.
FOUR: Am I spoiling my kid? Shit, this kid gets everything. I grew up wearing clothes from BiWay and the other day my son was wearing Burberry Pants and $70 Dr Martins. Like WTF?! But I feel like I buy those things for me just as much as I do for him, because I legitimately enjoy dressing him up and seeing how friggen adorable he looks. I just don’t want to raise a spoiled brat though.
FIVE: Smoking. To be honest this should be #1 and the fact that it isn’t is telling. Honestly, when I watch movies where someones parent dies, I seriously can’t control the tears. They shoot out of me. I am so afraid of missing Lucas’ life. For a 36 year old, I think about death way too much, and it all goes back to smoking.
SIX: Are my husband and I connecting with each other enough? When we were young and in puppy love we used to hit up bars, go dancing, dine with friends, travel. Our life was so fun and we were so connected on every level. I know that relationships have to evolve, and as we get older life just gets busier, but when it comes to making time for someone, it’s him that I want to prioritize, so how come I don’t?
SEVEN: Why do I hate working out so fucken much. Seriously. I have zero motivation to get moving and it’s starting to catch up with me. And this isn’t a weight thing. This is a strength and energy thing. I just want to show my body the respect it deserves. Dom and I are joining Orangetheory to combat this as well as the concern above, so hopefully its a two birds one stone situation.
EIGHT: Am I putting enough effort into my friendships? I know we are all busy and tired moms, but sometimes I feel like I’m just not putting enough in. I haven’t had a girls night in – omg I don’t even know how long. I probably need a girls night.
NINE: Does my dog hate me now? Does he think we don’t give him enough attention? We’re doing our best, and I know that he was super spoiled before Lucas was born, but it’s just so hard now. Lucas pulls so much focus.
TEN: Do I worry too much? I should probably stop worrying because my life is pretty amazing. But I can’t help it. I’m a mom. It’s my job to worry.
NOTE: Notice that I didn’t mention finances. That isn’t a commentary about my financial situation. It’s just that North Americans spend WAY to much time worrying about money, and it’s the number one cause of marriage failure and sleep loss. I make a conscious effort not to worry about money.
What are you worried about? Say it out loud, take away it’s power, and give yourself the motivation to work through it. Feel free to use the comment section below to do exactly that.